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Amor Fati EP

by Joe Boswell

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1.
if you feel let down pull a frown now that you're able and if my lullaby gives you dream of black holes beneath your cradle play it down we slept on the beach you told me your dreams i wished we were lovers you said the sky was just a canvas and god's joining the dots and then painting by numbers why won't you suck out my eyes and let me see down your throat? or lay your head next to mine your thoughts are like light i'm just trying to keep up but i'll play it down through my head are running all the words i'd like to say but what's the use in trying i'd forget them anyway
2.
Paper White 03:33
and if the sun turns the sky paper white and our shadows slide for the last time underfoot i'll be your phantom friend a trick of the light and i'll take my time pretend that i don't mind it's understood you say you don't want to hurt me but i can't help it just bite my lip and no i don't feel pain your sentences run astray and in the silences i'll hear what i'd like for you to say and if the clocks they stop and seconds coalesce there'll just be you and me and in agony i'll ask for help and if the wind blows away all the strain i'll remember you as you were not as you are today but right now... i've forgotten just what it was i liked about you
3.
with the sunshine on the water it's so beautiful i'd forgotten just how much i'd like to watch you drown do you remember ugly duckling just what it was like before you cut your hair? the thrill of being noticed and the warmth in the night it changed everything i guess so tell me ugly duckling do you recall your brothers' and your sisters' scorn how they wish the cat would catch you you ugly thing how you froze over how you held your tongue and now the world is at your feet and you've got silence on your side and in the night our nights they haunt me is there no weight on your mind? so tell me ugly duckling are you amused by the way that they dance for you? and now that you're luck's changed will you refuse me though I knew you once you knew me too? you're still frozen little one you won't stop smiling though you know you've got me broken won't you show me that? i think you hide it from yourself you turn to leave the sky it opens and i know you're not coming back and i will walk through wall after wall until all the faces i have pulled fall from my muscles and i'll start again and should the rain melt your bad temper it will wash back down the stream and give the fishes nightmares and when we meet again our bodies old our skin worn thin and all your hair grown back down to your knees will my throat burn with the words i've saved or will i helpless let you take my hand in one last waltz amongst the reeds?
4.
5.
Amor Fati 05:33
FIRST VOICE: i haven't tasted air like this in what feels like years the wind is at my shoulder will i remember this? my skull it cracks and the hatchling spreads its wings and distant seem the anxieties and broken promises that weigh me down and follow me round my house and when i am younger you’ll return with everything else i've lost do you remember what it felt like as our knees touched in the dark? did you realise what it meant when i held you to my heart? but i won't gnash my teeth or court despair because all things must kiss and corrupt again you weigh me down and follow me round my house and if i should falter the music calms me down SECOND VOICE: millennia flare and fizzle out in finger clicks and yet there is no escape. the same life, the same lives, again and again, and in every constellation. the same stale air, the same faces at shop counters, the same words misheard or withheld or lost, dissolved like earth on your tongue. what's an old soul to teach you? you're as wise as you could ever be. i used to dream i held my fate in the palm of my hands, but i awake each morning to find my fingerprints have changed. when you meet her again as if for the first time she will not recognize your touch, though she may remember the taste of your blood. too many revisions, too many reinventions. smashed like putty against the wall, all the detail got worn off. i wonder awhile and try to recall how it felt when she was the only one worth listening to. in vain. i'm a drifter now. but something is changing. there is a lull, and i can feel it beneath my feet; see its contours pressing gently against the surface of the world. my shoulders loosen, and the air smells of bonfires. i set my heart to the pace of the drums, and know that there will be no more gnashing of teeth, no tearing of hairs, no flaking skin nor wracking uncertainty. no toothache, missing lego pieces, broken flower pots, or wine bar jazz pianists. all illness, all tedium, every lonely night or wasted hour … forgotten. and the stars fall, bouncing noiselessly off the buildings and street corners.

about

Words, music & production by Joe Boswell.

All songs written in Falmouth, Cornwall, between autumn 2008 & summer 2010. Recorded in a succession of bedrooms spanning Falmouth, Bristol & Peter Tavy (2010-15). Drums by Ebn Mars. Violinists: Clare Tomlinson (track 1), Ursula Billington (track 2), Benjamin Perry (tracks 2 & 3) & Sovra Wilson-Dickson (track 5). Spoken word segment on ‘Amor Fati’ co-written & performed by Casimir Campbell.

With love and thanks to Mum & Dad, Meg & David, Adam & Cas, Alex & Emma, the Ratts & Del Amos, Jim & Martha, Gaz & Fiona, Kieran & Martin, Zapoppin', Wives of Farmers, & Lukas Drinkwater.

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released October 1, 2016

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Joe Boswell England, UK

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